I was asked a few days ago what I meant by 'living life'.....and I had to stop and think about it trying to define 'living life' and what it means for me. Going back a few years (since I started digital art on the computer, writing my biography etc. etc.), I used to spend well over ten hours daily on the computer. Every available free minute was dedicated to 'creating' something. It was like an addiction (though I am not a good judge about addiction since i never had that problem) but I sure as heck was addicted to 'creating'...... And I thought I was 'living life'.

And then it happened. I had a very bad fall and broke and injured my back, pelvis etc. etc..... That was just over three months ago but my life changed from that very moment. It has not been the same i.e. my attitude has changed. I still love creating and sit at the computer but it is not a priority for me any longer. No more rushing through dinners, visits or shopping to get back on the computer. I am more conscious of HOW I spend the day, to look at the moments in life, the little things, and spending quality time with those around me including my little kitty.

The scales tipped and I found my balance once more.

 


of course, one of life's pleasures -
a glass of wine or a cup of great
coffee...my European friends know
that a glass of water always
accompanies a great coffee...)
 

a few pages from what I call my 'Beginner's Journal'....I still have to add some bits and pieces here and there, but the general idea is there. I am getting bored and have to work on something else, hehe.....Some of these pages still need the 'finishing' touch, but the
idea is there....
I will be working on the cover soon and post it
here too. I think I like creating the actual covers more than the pages at times.
My next step will be to start a new journal, recording some of my travels
overseas or just messing around with mixed media and artsy stuff. Either
way I shall have fun.

You can see that I really 'played' with paints, experimenting with stencils or
creating my own, involving hours and hours of learning and finding out what
I prefer working with, what kind of media I cannot live without and what
style of journal I like. I have to admit that I keep coming back to Mary Ann Moss
and her wonderfully relaxed ways of working with papers, collage, ephemera
and of course paints, pens and everything else.

 




 




 





 

Just rambling....in a way this is a continuation of a conversation I had with myself the other day and related more or less to the layout I uploaded the other day about the difference between being a lady and a woman. (see my posting from April 6th this year).

(I found this online and it really says it all for me: Being a lady is something I aspire to and something I am proud to be. It takes my God given gift of womanhood to the next level. I like to dress, think and act like a lady. I expect men to act like gentlemen around me and I am grateful when one opens a door for me, engages me in pertinent discourse or helps me with luggage. However, I do not consider myself the “weaker” sex! Being a lady, doesn’t steal my confidence, capability or compassion. It doesn’t make me a weak, ignorant doormat or a commodity. I am a mother, an entrepreneur, have been involved in the community and am well educated. I am glad NOT to be a man or even a gentleman.)

And ok, since I am touching a 'touchy' subject, I also found an article that I had kept and been wanting to upload for a while. I keep hearing the term 'having class' or 'being classy' and it surprises me to see my toes still cringing.
1. She treats everyone as an equal. She would speak to the janitor, waiter or hotel receptionist as she would to her friends. Always polite, unhurried, undemanding. She does not gush or laugh a little louder to try to impress or please. She does not elevate or 'humble' herself.

  2. She is always extremely punctual, because she does not want anyone to wait. If you are late, she will tell you to take your time. She is properly dressed at all times. Why? because she would not want to convey sloppiness - which translates to "I don't think you are important enough for me to make an effort."

3. If you spilled coffee on her rug, she will make light of it because she thinks your feelings are more important.

4. She Values Education and Self-Improvement She who is classy seeks an understanding of herself, of others and the world and has an accurate and refined use of the mother tongue. Reading is a mainstay hobby for intellectual pursuits and so are sports because it develops character. Travel is valued because it expands horizons and helps her gain perspective. It increases her understanding on culture.

I found another article which I really love but I will wait to post it another day. (can't wait to hear my kids' laughing...).

It's been THREE months since I had this bad fall and still I shall need major surgery and time on my side to be able to regain my normal way of walking and living....

I came across this page which is part of my biography and thought it was an encouraging page for me and family to upload here - reminding me of the hardships I went through back then when I also had a very bad back fracture. As it says in my biography, I was in a metal cast for 9 months and the pain was unbearable for a very long time. Time makes you forget these little things which is why it's a good thing to write it all down. For many months then I was unable to stand for very long, and I could not sit except with a mountain of pillows.... In the layout below I am standing with the metal cast (which is hidden under my lose outfit and making me look huge, like a size 16, haha......). Looking at it now I am smiling because I KNOW I shall get better.

This is what I call 'A Part of My Life', and it is just that: a part, because there are so many facets to it that I often wonder how I coped with it all. It has been very tumultous and busy and not always happy, not always finding the peace inside myself that I so badly needed and did not realize it.
(the newspaper article says:) - last name removed...

Sabina - a hobby that's become a successful business
In order to succeed, sometimes you need a lot of love and a strong belief in what you are doing. Success can sometimes also be achieved through hard work and long hours. And sometimes it takes a lot of talent. Sabina xxx has all three ingredients. Sabina owns and operates three stores simply called 'Sabina'. (later she added three
more stores, all in the range of 3 - 4000 sq.ft. large).
Inside each shop you'll find a wonderous world of antiques and primitives, victorian accents, collectibles, laces, Christmas ornamens, framed pictures and so on and so on. When you step inside these stores, you quickly realize that it is not your average collection of crafts. No, a great deal of time, planning and love has evidently gone on in the planning of the store's 'contents and in their decorations. 'My stores are me' Sabina says, 'they reflect my personality. 'They reflect my love for creations and what they represent. It has nothing to do with making money.'

Sabina says that she was 'always making things' as a housewife, such as baby coats and Christmas wreaths and that five years ago, she decided to take her 'hobby' out to the public. The first location was in a small boutique inside the restored Cor Block in St. Catharines. Within nine months Sabina moved to a larger location within the Core Block. 'We went from 350 sq.ft. to 2,500 sq. ft. she recalls. Sabina started without any staff, and made most of the items herself, so the hours were long and the work was hard, she explains but she is quick to add that it never has been 'work'.. 'I have always loved making things. My head is full with new ideas" she says. If I ever became a business woman, I would retire. So that's when her retired husband Mario comes in. 'Mario manages me', Sabina explains, to which Mario replies 'I manage the business, you're unmanageable'. It's Sabina's desire to always be working on her hobby which makes her 'unmanageable'. One year ago she had a minor heart attack
and fell down a flight of stairs where upon she broke her back. But as soon as she was able and before her doctor advised, Sabina was back at her hobby. The newest location on Queen Street is actually a move from around the corner where they have been for one year on Victoria Street. We wanted more space and it is a better location, explains Mario. Sabina loves the ambience of Niagara-on-the-Lake. 'It's more like us' she says. The store has a sense of tranquility and Sabina explains that no one is ever pressured into buying anything. 'Our people are there to help', she explains. 'I want people to enjoy the creations without having to pay top prices.' Sabina's secret to success is to 'work hard, know your crafts and how long they will take to make.' But most of all 'to love what you do'.....

thought this digital page would be reflecting my newly gained confidence
in driving the car again. I have always been driving but stopped somehow
when I had my last hip replacement three years ago. Since my husband
was in the hospital in the last ten days, I was forced to start driving again.
AND IT FELT GREAT! I tell you, girls, (and boys, if any of you are out
there), it felt wonderful. My newly found once more independence. Love it.
The page above was created when I read an article on women and their
fight for freedom or being recognized. It's a provocative thought for
someone that grew up in the fifties and sixties and I still don't agree with all.
Women's lib? Not for me. Not totally. Some of it, but definitely not to the
extent I see happening over here. Grrrr. There are times when I can't believe
my eyes how women dress. Shorts that barely cover their butts and tops
that barely cover their top.....and all in the name of freedom....what happened
to good taste or mirrors at home?

Hmmm, enough said.

Everything has a silver lining

Amidst the chaos of my life right now it feels just right looking at this page and bringing back sweet memories of one of the trips I made.

they say 'when it rains, it pours'.....and my life seems to be destined to flood at times. I wonder if someone up there is trying to tell me something? My husband was admitted to the hospital Monday evening after the family doctor had ordered him to check in at the ER. His sodium levels were dangerously low. And we do know that a family physician doesn't normally make calls to his patients unless it's urgent. Yesterday I took a taxi (the car is still in the ER parking lot) and against all odds I managed to walk down those long corridors in the new hospital without sitting down. See, that's great, isn't it? if I had not gone to the hospital, I would not know that I can do it and the fact that I did made me very proud and glad. Everything has a silver lining. I feel more sure of myself again, less fragile. I did it. I walked a loooong walk down a very long corridor. It's wonderful to feel that sense of independence coming back.

towards a dream

this digital page was created by me a few weeks or months ago...I guess in my dream I am walking over hills and valleys without any pain in my hips or back. Then again, I better not complain because I am walking though with tremendous pain and rather slow. On the other hand, just thinking back on how I was/felt two months ago, it makes me marvel how far I have come.

 

Day 59 after the accident and I am still quite happy not sitting behind the computer eight or ten hours every single day. Passion is a wonderful trait to follow but perhaps I was also obsessed with finishing a project I had started years ago. The project is finished (writing my biography) and I am now 'wasting' time painting and doing other stuff I love doing. Not feeling great put a dent into my day and even though life has improved, I am far from being back to normal. Went out the other day for the second time in eight weeks (a much needed check-up at the doctor's) and then straight back home.
 (below two of my digital art pages I created. Aren't they adorable?????


 
 

remember, I started a journal about our trip to Venice? well, it's done.
 Almost. I still need to finish it here and there, but for now I put it aside
 because I started a journal for Victoria, my little granddaughter. Just for
 fun and I got tired of having all her notes and letters to me flying around
 in a folder. When it's organized inside a journal, people do pick it up
 and look at it......I also love using my hands and find playing around
with paints and glues is very satisfying. (below just a few pages, I
 finished 100 pages with all our photos and bits and pieces......it was
 fun, thanks to Diane without whom I would never have started this
 in the first place and Mary Ann Moss.
And yes, that's me standing there among the tourists pretending
I am not one....and it's not us sitting there though we did have an
amazing gelato in the cafe right there....



 

 
 


 

 
 
 
 
 

 

DAY 46

Day 46 (almost seven weeks):
I toddled to the Mall yesterday afternoon. Getting into the car was a bit of a trial but yessss, we managed. Had a coffee sitting down gingerly on one of those padded benches and even went to look for a handbag but was too nervous with pain and could not make up my mind. Still, I did what I came to do and felt satisfied. Funny thing though: I am not really sure if I want to drive a car...though I love driving and hopefully also that part of me will come back. The one thing I miss most is my passion for creativity. It's just not there - yet.

Today it has been eight years since I lost my beloved mother. I still miss her so much and will probably feel this way now forever. She was my best friend and ally and we were very close in the last twelve years of her life.

six weeks in bed has given me plenty of time to think about life. And it has made me appreciate real friends and family. Someone that is there for me when I need it the most. My children  have their own lives to live but one does wonder if a ten minute phone call cannot be squeezed into an otherwise busy daily agenda. Reflection on this particular subject produces a deep hurt, because I was raised with different ideals and beliefs. Now I have learnt not to expect much of anything.

My accident was a blessing in a way because it changed my lifestyle - at least for now or for the time being. I had spent far too many hours on the computer, almost obsessed with creating something, either digital artwork or writing....to be totally honest, I spent a minimum of at least 9 or 10 hours every single day on the laptop. Now that part has changed. The passion to create is still very much there and with each day that I feel better it is returning more and more and I find myself going back to creating something - but not so much with the computer right now.

below, a layout that I thought would be quite appropriate..... (created before I had
this fall/accident in the bathroom...)

Face Without the Mask

(my layout ‘My Face without the Mask’ was uploaded about a year
 ago to my personal gallery in www.scrapbookgraphics.com and
received an amazing amount of recognition.....).

I followed it up with the one I called 'I know Who I Am'......

The text reads:
'Without the Mask' is a journal that I started many years ago to write
 about my life, my deepest pain and highest joys. I bared my soul with
 it but it was only a journal. They say, a picture is worth a thousand
words and maybe the combination of both will leave a memory behind
 for my children to really know more about me and my soul - my entire Self.

Most people walk through life with pretense and hiding behind it and
 removing the mask is only given to few people.. It takes strength, courage
 and passion - and I have been blessed with all three. Because I know who
 I am.... I know my life has been very different from what is considered
 ‘normal’ and there are times when I wished I could go back in time and
 take a different path than the one I took.. I wished I could be hard and tough
 at times instead of being too soft and crying over things that I cannot change anyway.... let the impossible still be possible...

Day 29 - Four whole weeks

 

Day 29 - Four whole weeks spent almost entirely on my back....that is,
out of my entire waking day I am off my back for about half an hour in all.
 When you are limited to this level, you start counting the minutes it takes
 you to brush your teeth or wash your face. Or walk to the kitchen to
 finish off the dishes i.e. two plates, a glass and perhaps a cup, knife and
 fork.

Yesterday I had my second shower in four weeks and washed my hair.
Of course I pay for it a few hours later by the increase in pain but
who cares? I am advancing and improving and God, am I glad or what?
I am totally delighted - if I stop to think about it. Four weeks ago I was
unable to even turn or move at all.....Now the walker is standing forlorn
 in a deserted corner - I am purposely ignoring it and limping along with
 the help of a cane. Me and my independence. No wonder 'someone up
there' is trying to tell me something.....!

 

Our youngest came to visit together with my little Victoria who took it all

in her stride. I am sure she does not like to see her Nana so helpless

 but I think I managed to convey my confidence over to her. I shall be

walking again.  

Any of us, when we don't feel well or are sick, we want to go home. I know I do. I want to go home so badly that it almost hurts. This song really says it all:

The hills are alive with the sound of music
With songs they have sung for a thousand years
The hills fill my heart with the sound of music
My heart wants to sing every song it hears
My heart wants to beat like the wings of the birds
that rise from the lake to the trees
My heart wants to sigh like a chime that flies from a church on a breeze
to laugh like a brook when it trips and falls over stones on its way
To sing through the night like a lark who is learning to pray;
I go to the hills when my heart is lonely;
I know I will hear what I've heard before,
My heart will be blessed with the sound of music
And I'll sing once more ....

(my youngest used to watch 'The Sound of Music' every year at Christmas. She still does, now together with her little daughter. Almost a tradition!)

going home

at home, looking down the valley